I had an inadvertent artist’s date when I attempted to drive into Cincinnati from Rising Sun - I accidentally

turned up another road, heading north on Indiana Rt 1 (oops!). But Nigel Kennedy was playing some Bach with an orchestra, and the weather was lovely, so I had a nice recharging drive. I also had a small shopping spree, looking for new audition shoes, that turned into clothes buying when I found this little Indian-styled clothing shop with some beautiful hand-embroidered clothes (perhaps useful for playing around with Lakme...;-) I never buy clothes for myself, so I felt funny. In amongst them is a beautiful hand crocheted shawl with beads that I haven’t used yet, but I feel like I’ve given myself something really luxurious.



Acting class today was highly productive: we worked in partners, singing our arias to each other and placing small beads (our acting teacher went to the Party Store for them) around important words: could be beginning, middle, or end of the word, but it had to be when the thought impulse lead us to do it. It really opened up Adele for me! I practically was throwing them at my partner in a couple places. She was really impressed at what this did for my performance of the piece.



We also worked with beginnings, middles, and ends of our arias: ie, Mein Herr Marquis would be



Beg: Darum rate ich, ja genauer sich, die Leute an zu sein



Mid: Der gleichen finden Sie bei einer Zofe nie



End: Mir scheint wohl, die Liebe Macht Ihre Augen trübe, Der schönen Zofe Bild Hat ganz Ihr Herz erfüllt!



We had to assign qualities of movement/emotion to each and work through, making them flow together and explore the distances between them. Quite interesting!



Anyways, most AW stuff has flown out the window - a few morning pages (sometimes I do them at lunch under the trees outside the school where we are working), but not consistent, and only the accidental artist’s date. Lots of walks (I walk to the library, to the grocery store, so I’ll try and fit the walks in there), but the only thing that’s been consistent has been reading “Walking in the World”. I’ve actually been rereading the first 2 chapters, as they really are making more sense to me with what I’m going through. I was thinking about processing the personal experience more before sharing it with y’all, but one thing I’ve learned here is that I edit myself too much, so here goes nothing:



I’m moving. Probably to New York.



They’ve recommended a teacher for me to contact, plus my current one may also be moving there, as well as the contact with the coaches I’ve been working with. There are many wonderful things to do where I am currently, but I almost feel constrained in terms of artistic growth - no challenge any more. I just found out what the outreach program wants to do this next year and am having second thoughts, sort of, but I know what it says in Chapter 2 - some things will seem comfortable and easy to slide back into. The quote that sums up the whole thing for me is from Center Stage (the ballet movie): when presumably offered a chance to the in the chorus of one of the best dance companies in the world, the main character says something to the effect of: “I don’t want to spend the best years of my performing life waving a tulip in the back of the chorus.” I can’t really complain about any of the opportunities I’ve had over the last 2 years, but I’ve become lacksidasical (sp?) in my performing.

I’m taking extensive notes in the masterclasses and taping everything I possibly can. My big relevation today is that we tend to rely too much on recordings (people making notational mistakes from recordings - even if you aren’t practicing with them - just stuff we pick up secondhand, as it were). Also, try what the composer has on the page (ie. rests for me - I was glossing over a few), as there’s usually a reason for what’s there - for acting as well as musically. I just spent the better part of an hour rerecording a “melody only” tape of all my arias, just to be sure all the pitches were there. I’m going home to hum (closed ng, that is, for my new space that I’m finding) to it, just to double check things. I’ve already found 2 spots in different pieces where the pitches aren’t quite perfect.



The best thing overall that we’ve done so far is acting class - not just coaching, but regular acting classes, as well as movement. We all start the morning off together in a yoga/dance class - we actually sweated big time this am (Thursday), making up dance steps to “Shake Senora” - that song from the end of the movie “Beetlejuice”. But the bulk of the class is yoga style breath and strengthening, along with a short ballet barre so we learn to move gracefully on stage. My teacher from home is the diction instructor and alreaady notices more of a freedom in my breathing. The closest thing I can think of commercially is Rodney Yee’s AM Yoga for Beginners - some of the breathing stretches and poses are on there.



I’ve had other relevations of a personal nature - AW related, that I need to work through and share at a later time.

Well, here I am in Indiana. The one on one coachings are great, but getting up for these masterclasses is really scary. I have such a fear of them, it's ridiculous. I hate it. I wish I could have more confidence in myself, but I feel so far below everyone else sometimes. Or that they think I suck. or something. I love the coaches I'm working with. I had two - one extra(!) fabulous coachings today. I shouldn't let the masterclass bum me out. I just wish I could show the confidence I feel inside - my mental practice was fine, but I got up there for Beginnings and Endings and screwed up the pronunciation of my last name, of all things. Wish I could change it! It totally threw me off. I need to not let that happen. I love the acting coachings and acting class the best. I'll do better tomorrow. Off for more prep. At least the journaling helps.

I have to maintain the focus on the program this summer with everything going on. It's a hard balancing act. This journaling is a big help, though. I've been working on getting everything together for this summer's road trip. So far, I'm partially packed, but I do have a couple of weeks to go, and a brief trip up to the Adirondacks right before hand. I think I'll just take up one dress for that, as well as my rolling backpack. I won't need much more than that. And at least I know where I get my overpacking from: my mom. I was helping them get ready for their trip to Alaska, and Mom's suitcase was at least twice as heavy as Dad's. Yikes. And she wonders why she complains of back and shoulder problems!! The other thing I need to do is get my music together. I need several copies of each aria I'm working on, including the originals. I'm glad I've got several copies of each aria in some form or other. I think I'll take my scores and use those - I dont' care if those get written in. Well, I feel there's lots more to think about, but I'd better get busy with the music end of things.

I'm tired of being tired. This thing is taking a long time to go away. It would help if I could sleep decently, but in this small house, that's impossible. At least the 'rents are going away for a few days. I can practice and sleep as I wish. My students even called today to move to other days, so tomorrow is free and I can get some business stuff done. Need to get those bills mailed off. I want to think of something profound to put in these pages. We'll see what happens. I'm not my sister, the writer. That's for sure. I do love to write, though. I like being able to get things off my chest and out of my system. It's getting easier to take care of me as I do it. I'm glad I left teaching. It wasn't me and I wasn't turning into a good person. I couldn't be the person God wants me to be. As frustrating as the life of an actor can be at times, I feel I'm following the path that he wants me to follow.


I just feel this need to write and write. I'm not saying anything at all, but sometimes stream-of-conciousness can be a good thing. Or semi-stream of conciousness. I'm kind of editing thoughts as I type - not fair. I'm remembering meghan boeing from Ithaca and her journaling - at least she always seemed to have a blank book around. She's a person I wished I had known better. Very intelligent and self-assured. I'd like to be more like her. I'm glad we had the same host family that one time on choir tour. Not that I didn't love the times I spent with Amanda - especially in the one house that was under construction and we had a room full of plaster dust. I dont' know how we survived. She sure made it easier!

It's interesting how things in life connect up with each other.


For instance: I'm working through The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron, and I'll invariably find sermons in church that hit on the same issues. Like at Syracuse Home the other Sunday. It just really hit me. She ended up talking about blurts and affirmations (to use the Cameron phrase). I can believe in me. God certainly does. The morning pages are getting easier. Still no real artist’s date as I had hoped, but I’m finding that through the course of a day, I’m taking more “little moments” for me - for instance, parking on the far side of the lot when going to the supermarket so I can walk by the huge landscaping at the front of a certain aisle that is full of lilac bushes - the fragrance is heavenly. And, now that farmers’ markets are in season, fresh fruits and veggies. I find that I’m eating better when all my senses are involved.



I did find another wonderful spot for an artist’s date while performing in a benefit this weekend. It’s an art park set back in the hills east of the city. Apparently they have classes and concerts all summer. I’ve grown up in this area and had no clue that this even existed. There are multiple paths to explore as well.



Performance progress: I sang Glitter and Be Gay at the benefit (an all Bernstein concert). The rest of the performers were absolutely amazing, and it was highly inspirational to be there. I tried to perform without feeling the need to “do something” with every moment. (I can get in the way of my own performance pretty easily trying to pull some piece of schtick or other!). It almost worked - another performance or two, and I’ll have it. Fortunately, I had a fabulous accompanist - Kevin Moore - who helped make me look great! I actually got a standing ovation - my first(!) from a couple in the audience (I didn’t know them!), reconnected with a former coach - Jerry Exline - we’ll be working together again - he’s always been a big inspiration - *and* made a voice teacher who’s never really seemed to liked me smile a genuine smile :-), but the complete highlight of the evening was the 5 big hugs I received from my old flute teacher - John Oberbrunner. It was the first time he had heard me sing, and I don’t think - until last night - that he had ever forgiven me for giving up on the flute. He’s now one of my biggest fans :-) That meant more to me than anything has in a long time. And, I really appreciate Carol's confidence in me to ask me to do something of this nature. She's such a positive person to be around.



Goals:

1. AW and FlyLady - MPs, MPs, MPs!!

2. exercise: continue to use yoga breathing tape for energy. Add a weight loss video or ride the bike now that the energy level is getting better.

3. Keep organizing for summer program.

4. Refine arias for late June mini recital for local charitable organization. Rehearse with accompanist

5. Keep up with early bedtime.

I got the program package in the mail - I was beginning to get antsy about it. The place looks gorgeous - we're even staying in houses, not a dorm, and they overlook the river. We'll even have a kitchen, which I'm happy about. Easier to stay on the diet if I'm not around fast food all the time. I love that we were told to bring *ballet slippers* if we had them!!! I miss dance class - wish I could afford lessons. I need them. The road trip is actually doable with the stops I have in mind, which is nice, but the visit to Coshocton will be on the way back, I think. They haven't picked any pieces for me, so for Female Charitable I'm doing: Caro nome, Willow Song, Doll Song and something German - I have too many there to pick from. Same with French, but they'll all know the Doll Song for sure. There's tons of stuff to prep for the summer, so I'm going to get my butt in gear this week and get everything planned and laid out. I don't think we have any house guests coming between now and then. Yeah road trip!


Well, I've got a concert tomorrow night, so I'm going to get some rest. It's "just" Glitter and Be Gay" and "Make Our Garden Grow", but there's the church job in the am - I'll have to go easy at rehearsal. But it's exciting to be earning money singing - finally.